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December 29, 2003

Welcome to Amish Country

Isn't it supposed to be a sin for twelve year old Amish girls to own Motorolla cell phones and brand-spankin' new Puma shoes? And shouldn't it be flat-out against the law for a prim and proper Amish pre-teen to have her arms full of bags of Abercrombie, Forever 21, and Wet Seal couture?

Yeah, I thought so, too.

If all that is true, someone really needs to fax a memo to that gaggle of giggling Amish girls I saw at the mall... Well, provided they actually have fax machines in Amish Country. I guess a new Motorola picture phone would suffice. The message should read as such: "DEAR CUTE LITTLE AMISH GIRLS: WEARING A DAINTY WHITE BUN OVER YOUR HEAD WHILE SPORTING A STUFFED WONDERBRA MAKES AS MUCH SENSE AS PARIS HILTON SHOVELING COW TURDS ON The Simple Life. IT DOESN'T WORK. SO PUT AWAY THAT HALTER TOP AND GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER."

Shame on you, little Amish girls. Shame on you and your little Christina Aguilera remix CDs, too.

posted at 12:11 a.m.

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