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March 12, 2004

Some Things Are Better Off Forgotten

Hey kids! Bored with your average sugary cereals? Tired of eating frosted corn puffs that turn soggy in milk? Well, forget Cheerios, Lucky Charms, and Trix! It's time for new Urkel-o's!

That's right! New Urkel-o's are cripsy, strawberry and banana flavored rings that will dance on your tongue and make you want to gag on your spoon! Nothing tastes better than a bowl of Urkel-o's in the morning! Act now, and you can help cast your vote for Steve Urkel's very own pseudo-Presidential campaign! You got it, kids! So go beg, plead, whine, and scream for your parents to buy you a brand-spankin' new box of Urkel-o's, a cereal that is in no way part of a balanced, nutritious breakfast!

And... If you're a fan of new Urkel-o's, you're definitely going to enjoy new Bill & Ted's Excellent Cereal!

Inspired by the original summer blockbuster senstation, Bill & Ted's Excellent Cereal is a most righteous blend of cinnamon sugar squares and marshmallow notes! Plus, Bill & Ted's Excellent Cereal is fortified with twelve essential vitamins and crap. So now you can eat all the sugary cereal you want without your mother bitching about nutritional value. And did we forget to mention that the box features two of the most down to earth dudes you could ever meet? Why, it's Bill and Ted of course! Now you can recreate all those stunning scenes between dumbfounded actors Keanu Reaves and Alex Winter, as they run around through time and space doing absolutely nothing. Most excellent, huh?!

...Yeah, I don't pretend to understand it, either. If they ever come out with a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy cereal, I swear, we all deserve to go to hell.

(Images courtesy of Jeremy Pollet.)

posted at 11:40 a.m.