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2003-04-02

Cast of Characters--Season One

Abelardo: Alina's boyfriend. Tall, dark, and handsome, Abelardo is a solid kind of guy. Great to have around for those late night calculus stumpers. Has a great sense of humor, but according to Alina, his teeth aren't as straight as one might like.

Abby: The only girl I know who can speak French with a southern Ohio accent, Abby has some major potential. C'est une fille qui peut me faire rire. Definitely.

Adam L: I'm breaking one of my usual cardinal rules here by giving out his full name over the Internet, but I don't for any reason think that anyone would actually want to stalk this kid. He smells like a Chinatown dumpster, and has yet to figure out the true function of either toothpaste or a hairbrush. Strangely enough, though, he's ridiculously smart--you wouldn't believe all the information that's locked up in the corners of his mind. Good luck getting any of it out, though: Not only does Adam move and talk like some sort of walrus, he sleeps like one, too.

Alex: The most down to Earth English major I know. Able to break down complex astronomy formulae and write theses with ease, Alex's superpowers highly contrast with his uber slacker style. Gotta love the green sweatshirts.

Alina: Good friend, trusted roomate, and Mexico City alumnus. Loves pole dancing, calculus, swimming, and older men. Good for laughing, shopping, talking, and just about anything. Just don't get her started on her invisible growth of pimples.

Allison S: Known to Alina as the "pretty" Allison (for evident reasons). Is usually much nicer, cordial, and generally quieter than her doppleganger counterpart. Spends most of her time with Fida or Gail, but will usually ignore any conversation in the bathroom.

Alison Z: The "ugly" Alison. Has grungy, curly red hair, and a million piercings and tattoos. Very bad temper--Alison likes to be seen and heard. Can usually be found smoking/drinking anything and everything, and most recently was the victim of a nasal yeast infection. Close friends with Andy, Jessica, Brent, and Julie.

Andrea: Alison's roomate. Seems like a pretty decent person--very friendly, and overall pleasant. Recently attended an all male strip show with her sorority.

Andy: Alison's gay counterpart. Has an annoying laugh, and even more annoying hair. Is often in the 2050's suite lounge, crowded amongst other girls, and doing, like... whatever. Was recently booted out of a gay strip club.

Ayana: Formerly the RA on the twenty-second floor, Ayana has abandoned the towers to pursue life on her own off campus. She will be very missed. Close friends with Alex and Nick.

Brent: The self-proclaimed "Resident Gay Guy," whom I didn't know existed until the school was slammed with a monster snowstorm. Seems nice enough, although can be hyped up about seemingly nothing. Helped Andy and Alison get kicked out of the gay strip club.

Brian What's-His-Nuts: So annoying, I can't even remember his real name. Is it normal to feel queasy whenever a guy is hitting on you? I didn't think so. You'd think that after all my compulsive lies, he'd finally get the idea.

Chelsea: Winner of the non-existent "Most Competitive Roomate" prize. Is very determined, cautious, and sometimes funny. Her vocabulary is enough to make you laugh. Loves running, ER, Mexican food, and anything on ESPN.

Danielle: My younger sister Danielle and I have incredibly opposite personalities. It's like trying to squeeze a square peg through a round hole, if you know what I mean. Anyway, between her B2K obsession and her gang of high school friends, life with Danielle is filled with daily doses of drama.

Danielle H: Oh, the sweet sounds of cynicism. Everyone needs to have a handful of friends like Danielle, even on their best days. She's real, honest, and I'm pretty sure she'd still be funny while inebriated. If you ever need the down-low on The Six Million Dollar Man, The Bionic Woman, or Nightrider, I'm sure she'd be glad to give you a lesson or two. Danielle is all about quality television. Besides, who loves Strong Bad and Trogdor more? That's right. Nobody.

David: The skinniest Latino ever to leave California. Smart, sassy and Spanish--is it any wonder I've fallen in love with him? It's like having your own private Enrique Iglesias, sans giant mole.

Erin: Who else is going to keep me on my toes in Econ? Mellophones are good friends to have.

Erin K AKA, "Scary Erin": Erin started taking a turn for the worse last year when she began palling around with Steven. Not that there's anything wrong with that... But I still don't believe that practicing to become a witch is going to open up any long-term opportunities.

Canadian Erin: Holy sea monkeys, Batman! I love Erin and her insightful entries from up North. If you can't have Candian allies, what else is there, huh?

Fida: Allison's boyfriend? Who really knows anymore? Constantly hanging around our suite, Fida is harder to get rid of than a clan of cockroaches.

Gail: I never see much of her at all... She borrowed my Downy Ball, though.

Jackie B: Holdin' it down for the real clarinet peeps, Jackie B can really throw down. Fo' sho'!

Jackie C: I can't stand her. Is that enough for you?

Jackie F: Jackie B's love interest. Yay.

Jennifer: The fourth and final roomate of the #2054 pack. To Jennifer, life is like an eternal soundtrack; one that plays the same eerie Japanese techno loops over and over and over...

Jessica: Things are never quite the same the moment Jessica enters a room. There's always that... that... snorting laugh of hers. No, really. Ask her about her thoughts on beef jerky, and see what I mean.

John Mayer: What's he like, you ask? What's his favorite food? Is his body a wonderland? Uhhh... Okay, okay, so I don't know John Mayer. I'm sure there's a handful of celebrity friends and family that you're lying about, too. Let's be honest, people.

Julie: 100% pure college skank-ass. She's sure to be credited in the next installment of "Girls Gone Wild," believe me. After that, it'll be straight to video pornos. The girl's got ambition. Rah, rah.

Kandice: Things with Kandice were nice... Until she started boring the crap out of me.

Katie: Good old, Katie. She was one of my best friends in elementary school, and always the sweetest of the bunch. I hadn't seen her since she moved to a private school--until now. Katie now lives on the twenty first floor, which allows for all the sweet and kind musings that anyone could want.

Lindsay: Natasha's younger sister, Lindsay and I have certainly had our ups and downs. Even though we don't talk as much as we used to--we had been best friends since the fourth grade--I still love her. You can't forget about people like that. Both Lindsay, Natasha, and their brother Michael live behind my house in the old neighborhood.

Marc: The younger brother and trusted life-consultant. I find that other than the dog, he's the one I miss most from home.

As always, more questionable characters to come!

posted at 11:29 p.m.

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