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March 11, 2005
Mother-Daughter Talks
My family's been invited to go swimming with another family this Sunday afternoon. Since my sister is the type that freaks out at every inch of excess hair and blubber found on nearly nude human bodies, she gave my mother very strict instructions on pool etiquitte.
"You've got to shave your armpits, Mom. Really! That stuff looks disgusting in the water."
"Okay, okay, I'll shave my arms," My mother promised from the couch. "Anything else?"
"Don't forget to shave your uh... well, your 'bikini line.'"
My mother squinted her eyes together. "You mean my crotch?"
"Yeah, shave that, too," my sister gulped, not liking the sound of the word 'crotch'. "You can see all the hair bulging out in the water under your suit. It's nasty, Mom."
I shuddered thinking about all the times I'd seen a head of wiry public hairs floating from the edges of my mother's one piece bathing suit. It's a good thing they jack swimming pools up with cholorine these days--our mother could very well be the proud owner of the world's bushiest bush. "Yeah Mom," I chipped in,"you've got some crazy stuff growing down there, you know. It's like a hairy jungle or something."
She smirked to herself, laughing a bit. "I got it from my mother. She was hairy like that, too."
"But I'm not hairy," I protested. "I always thought I'd grow up to be like you, but I can't grow anything. I'm hairless."
"Me, too," Danielle chirped proudly.
"You got that from your father," Mom told us matter-of-factly. "He doesn't have any hair down there, either."
Ummmm... EXCUSE ME??
I bit my lip and returned to watching television, not really sure if I should enter into a conversation about my father's lack of pubic hair. Mom, sure. This is the woman to bathed with her three young kids in a tiny porcelain tub. But dad? I don't want to think about it. Bad, bad images are coming to mind.
Conversations like this really shouldn't take place at all.
posted at 10:32 p.m.
