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October 02, 2005
Please Unplug My MTV
My father, when not acting his traditional prickly pear self, can be oddly amusing.
After coming home from work Friday night, I found him splayed out across the couch, deeply entranced by a rerun of Made on MTV (You know, the one where the tomboy girl Samantha wants to be a glamed up so she can go to the prom? Yeah, that one). I don't understand his fascination MTV programming--you sit him down in front of a five-hour block of Punk'd and Pimp My Ride, and he's good to go. Hell, I've even caught him watching some kid use a black light to check for bodily fluid stains on a girl's bed on Room Raiders ("Look! They found blood stains! OH MY GOD, that's sooooo nasty! BLOOD STAINS!"). Dad is all about the crappy reality television. Lucky for him, MTV is more than happy to deliver the goods.
But things got a little weird when my father tried discussing the Made episode with me and Danielle. When the Samantha chick dumped her first prom date Eric for an upgrade to the guy whom she refered to as "Hot Eric," Dad got a little steamed.
"That's not right... Eric's the boy who asked her out first--she jumped the gun before she even knew what Hot Eric was going to do. What would've happened if Hot Eric had never come around, huh? Huh? I CAN'T BELIEVE she's dumping this guy for Hot Eric! Can you believe this, April?"
To tell you the truth, I really couldn't. For one thing, why in the world does a 52-year-old man want to watch a 17-year-old prep for prom? And why with so much enthusiasm? So much intrigue? Whenever Danielle and I started talking over the dialogue, he'd start turning up the volume, so as not to miss anything. And furthermore, "hot"? Did my father just use the word hot to describe someone's umm... hotness?
Damn.
Where is this coming from? How is this happening?
I blame Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. If those two hadn't started shacking up, forty and fifty-somethings wouldn't have reason to plug themselves into the Millennium's MTV.com brood. If my father starts making requests for TRL and 106 and Park, Demi and Ashton are going to have to split. And that means Bruce Willis can return that twenty-piece china setting from your gift registry, Demi. And that box of alphabet refrigerator magnets, too.
In the meantime Dad, please don't ever use the word hot to describe anything but the temperature of beverages and Italian sausages. People might get to thinking that we may be part of the same generation. And that's just so not hot.
posted at 1:38 a.m.
