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December 11, 2003

Is That a Paintbrush In Your Pants, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

You may not know it yet, but you, Thom Filicia, are about to become my next boyfriend.

That's right. As impossible as it may seem, a miracle will be granted in my honor to transform you from a cute, intelligent, and creative homosexual interior designer into a cute, intelligent and creative hetero sexual male. Any moment now, you and the rest of your delicious Fabulous 5 members (with the exception of Carson, since he's so materialistic) will come rushing into my bedroom for a spur of the moment makeover. And when the clock strikes 3:58, we will embrace in an awkward and uncomfortable looking position, where you will be transformed into the unattainable straight man of my dreams.

Oh, but that's not all, mon chèr. After a short, but tempestous courtship, we will marry along the streets of Venice and adopt gaggles of children, giving them all post-modern classical names like Skylar, Maddox, Cameron and Ramona (Named for Joey Ramone). We'll paint the town brilliant shades of red (literally), and you and I will cozy up along our designer leather ottomans for bubble tea and café fresco.

Crazy, no?

I don't care what anybody says. Thom is a genius. A wonderfully, smart, imaginative genius with a (usually) sharp wardrobe. Besides, the name "April Filicia" has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

But on second thought...

"April Filicia" sounds like some kind of Persian porn star's name. You know, the type that does belly dancing while giving her patrons exotic nipple pulls...? So never mind all that "Filicia" business. I guess I'll be keeping my own last name.

God. I need to stop daydreaming over gay guys and start looking around for the last of the scraggly straight ones. Don't wait up for me, though... This might take a while.

Today's Soundtrack: "Straight Up," Paula Abdul

Best Part of the Day: My Comparative Studies paper is finished, and autumn quarter is done FOREVER! Boo-yah, baby. Boo-yah.

PS: Is this really Paris Hilton's cell phone number (310-990-7444)? I called it, and it had her name on the voicemail message, but you can never tell with things like that. It could be some guy pranking people in Duluth, for all I know...

PPS: I'd better stop while I still can; my dorkiness is showing.

posted at 12:48 p.m.

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