Navigation
Miss Anything?
To Infinity and Beyond - September 01, 2006
Today's Post - August 26, 2006
Is This Thing On? - August 24, 2006
Finally, Forfeit! - November 06, 2005
So Here's How it Happened... - November 02, 2005
Contact
Highlights
Cream of the Crop
- A Perfect Self
- Anniewaits18
- Crazed Art Major
- David Zaza
- Eastern Villager
- Epiphany in Baltimore
- Gumphood
- Joe Burke
- Listen Here You
- Lobsterchick
- Lost In Thought
- Miss Pink Kate
- Fat Girl Blog
- Pink Pelvis
Credits
September 25, 2004
Pasta Del Monte
I just realized that if I'm ever going to be any kind of major celebrity, I'm going to have to come up with a ton of crap to fuck up my life until I get my very own "E! True Hollywood Special." This will have to include at least two near-death experiences with cocaine and heroin, an all night orgy held in the basement of some Venezualan sweatshop, four box-office failures, a marriage to Sean Penn, a relationship with Ellen DeGeneres, a Greatest Hits compilation CD, a stint doing late-night Foreman Grill infomericals, and fourteen fruitless Emmy nominations. Somewhere after all of that, I will realize my past mistakes and try to heal my sprit by creating my own emponymous charity for children, doing Public Service Announcements for groups like MADD, and an interview with both Oprah and Barbara Walters.
All of this will guarantee me my very own episode of "True Hollywood Story," where the events of my life are recounted by total strangers. With the ratings at an all time high, E! will come running to me with a pitch for my own reality show, where I will become famous for lounging around in my scrubby underwear and bitching about Sharon Stone.
It's nice to know I've got such a promising future ahead of me.
posted at 9:56 p.m.
