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May 10, 2004

Go Ahead; You Can Laugh All You Want

THINGS I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM:

  • Wal-Mart
  • Mullets
  • NASCAR
  • Men who wear mullets and NASCAR paraphanelia inside their neighborhood Wal-Mart store
  • Women who wear mullets and then insist on calling them a "shag"
  • People who wear socks with sandals
  • Sunny Delight
  • Michael Jackson's head
  • Bird poop that lands right smack-dab in the middle of your windshield where everyone can see it
  • Banana peppers
  • Those stuck-up snobs who work in the GAP
  • When mothers clean their kids' faces with a dab of spit
  • People staring at my boobs for longer than ten seconds
  • Pantyhose!
  • The Midwest
  • Anyone who carries more than three Hello Kitty accessories
  • People who can afford to buy several pairs of Manolo Blahniks at one time. I'm still shopping at Payless.
  • Boogers. Everybody hates boogers. Well... unless you eat 'em.
  • Grease stains.
  • The whole "goth" phenomena. I don't understand how these people pretend to be "original" when they're just following a trend that's twenty years old.
  • People with no eyebrows
  • That goop you get in your eyes when you first wake up in the morning
  • People who smell like BO but act as though they don't know it.
  • Rappers with platinum and gold-plated teeth
  • Cottage cheese.
  • The fact that no one ever seems to prounonce the word "February" correctly
  • The fact that I'm anal-retentive
  • Having my picture taken
  • Guys who grow "peach fuzz" on their chins
  • The fact that Fruit by the Foot is only twelve inches long.
  • The Trix rabbit never gets to eat any cereal because of those damned kids
  • Snow
  • Hummus
  • That red-headed kid on "American Idol"
  • Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
  • Dung beetles

    posted at 7:36 a.m.

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