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September 22, 2003
Platinum Plus Certified
Help.
I'm now scared to death that the RIAA is going to rip down my front door and bust a 10 million dollar lawsuit on my front porch. No kidding. They've just gone crazy--slapping $2,000 fines on twelve year olds, and issuing subpoenas to geriatric men unfortunate enough to have grandchildren that download the likes of Eminem and Xtina Aguilera onto their IMac. I mean, if they're going to start sending people like that to the slammer, what's going to keep them from shipping me away on a boat and deporting me to the ends of Afghanistan?
The RIAA is just plain ass-backwards.
I'm not going to be one to sit here and say that it's necessarily right for me to download the newest Coldplay single, or take a free listen to Justin Timberlake, but I think it's just plain ridiculous for them to start suing people like crazy for something that's just convenient. All I know is that I'm not going to shell out $14-18 for a CD that only has about two good tracks on it, and if I want to listen to the whole thing before wasting my hard-earned, slave-driven money, I should.
So now that I've uninstalled Kazaa, and deleted all unnecessary mp3 paraphanelia, I will now just sit in my house and wait... Hoping not to see some crazy court order in my mailbox within the coming weeks. What makes matters worse is that Danielle and I spent last night watching Lisa Ling's National Geographic special on women in prisons. Mmmmm-mmmm... I can just see myself braided behind iron bars, waiting for recreation hour, where I will promptly get my ass whomped on by my fellow serial killer inmates... Yes, I can just picture myself serving ten years to life for downloading that Rooney mp3... Sharing my cell with Bernadette, the lesbian showgirl who killed three men with her bare hands.
Yeccch.
Why does it bother me so much to know that women knowingly have sex while they're pregnant? I mean, is this a normal thing? I was flipping through What to Expect When You're Expecting while waiting for Danielle to finish up with her doctor's appointment this morning, and I was totally disgusted to find a chapter dedicated to pregnant sex. Waaaayyy too graphic for me, thank you very much. Don't these women think they've been knocked up enough in the past nine months? Do they really have to traumatize innocent, unborn children by rocking the boat for nine months in advance? Come on, now. That stuff's just wrong.
In other news, my bedroom now smells like cake frosting, since I splurged unnecessary money at Yankee Candle for a huge-ass (Thank you, Dr. De Poy) buttercream scented candle. Danielle says it makes the whole place smell like Rice Krispie Treats, therefore making her want to throw up.
All the more reason for me to burn it, I say.
posted at 8:55 p.m.
