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November 20, 2003

Southern Fried SPAM

I just recieved this charming little e-mail from a certain Mr. Davydov Sergey. The following is an abridged transcript of his letter, with my own opinions in italics:

"Dear Friend,"

Whoa there... I barely know you, and you're already calling me 'friend'? What's next--a little late night booty call?

"As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday."

No, really?

"My name is Dada Abu,a 74 years old merchant,in the U.A.E. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer which was discovered very late, due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has defiled all forms of medicine, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts."

So does half the cast of "All My Children," buddy. What makes you any different?

"I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself any more. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contempted with what I have left for them."

Uh-huh, just as any normal money-grubbing relative should.

"The last of my money which no one knows about other than my distant relative who is presently in the Netherlands is the huge cash deposit of 8 million dollars that I have with a security company in Amsterdam."

Eight million dollars?! Okay, you've got my attention now... Keep talkin', Davy.

"Your participation would require you to embark on a trip to Amsterdam, The Netherlands for claims of the consignment and you must be able to sponsor your trip to Amsterdam all by yourself because my cousin's role is just to go along side with you to the security company to ensure that you are comfortable while carrying out my assignment."

Uhhh... I hafta travel all the way to Amsterdam to get any money? Are there any frequent flier miles associated with this?

"I will want you to help me collect this deposit with the assistance of my relative and dispatch it to charity organizations or use it for development of any business venture that would provide gainful employment for the less priviledged. If you are interested, please email my cousin at:
paulz111@tiscali.co.uk

Yours Truly

Mr.Dada Abu."

What an elaborate scam artist e-mail. It's the type of thing that would actually make you think that crooks are halfway intelligent or something. Was I not supposed to notice that the name of the person sending the e-mail was completely different from the person supposedly "writing" the letter? And what about this anonymous cousin? Do I look dumb enough to trust my life to some guy who was vaguely referenced at the end of a legendary e-mail? Sheesh, give me some credit.

I ought to send an e-mail to this "cousin" just to screw around with his head. Tell him I'm some foreign missionary willing to travel over to the Netherlands in order to do the work of God... Yeah, that'll get him talking. I ought to screw this guy up royally for filling my inbox with yet another file of complete nonsense.

Today's Soundtrack: "Kandi Bar," Keith Murray

Best Part of the Day: Knowing I can sleep in as long as I want tomorrow morning, since Friday=No class.

posted at 5:28 p.m.

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