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August 02, 2003

Somebody SCREAAAMMMM!

I am now officially ashamed to say that the first real-life, ticket-paid concert I've ever attended has been for Li'l Bow Wow. Oh, excuse me. It's just plain Bow Wow now, isn't it?

Personally, I don't really care for concerts. I'm just not down with the whole idea of standing in the middle of a crowd of thousands of screaming fans, trying to get the slightest bit of attention from John Mayer/Justin Timberlake/Usher/Nelly, etc, etc. Maybe I'm strange... But I don't see a point in screaming my lungs out back in the AAA bleachers. I'd much rather watch the whole concert from the comfort of our aged family room couch on DVD, complete with my own personal package of movie-buttered popcorn. Ahhh, the good life.

But when Danielle mentioned two months ago that Bow Wow was coming to the State Fair tonight, I broke down a bit. She's always wanted to go to a concert, just about any concert for that matter, but my parents have always said no. I guess they thought she'd be too young, or something, who knows? Anyway, I convinced Mom to let Danielle and our cousin Lenette if I went as a chaperone, being the ever-supportive and sacrificial big sister. I love being a martyr sometimes. So tonight I shelled out my $25, hopped in my Civic, and drove us down the central part of town.

Let me say that I was in no way ready to hear all the noise that I heard in that one auditorium. There must have been about eight thousand girls packed into this big grain-storage looking building (Hey, it's Ohio, we're still kind of a farm and cow state in some ways), crowded around these two gates screaming for any little glimpse of Bow Wow.

"Oh my God, THERE HE IS!!!! AHHH!" There aren't enough exclamation points to do that kind of noise justice, believe me. All the shrieks and shouts occured about eight times or so until the concert actually began. There were arms and legs flailing and running around in big circles, and little girls falling out of the rickety little chairs shaking and convulsing at the teeniest "sight" of Bow Wow.

"That's him, that's him!" Some girl behind us screamed early on.

"WHERE?!"

"In the red! In the red! Don't you see him?! He's wearing RED! EEEEEEEE!" The guy in the red turned out to be just a fat stage technician, but I didn't have the heart (or a voice loud enough) to tell them the truth.

Anyway, once the show started, all hell broke loose, which was expected. I was surprised to see that I was actually enjoying myself... Until two girls mysteriously showed up at the end of the second opening act and claimed their seats right next to me. They couldn't have been any older than like, twelve, which made my wonder why I'd decided to show up to this thing in the first place. They didn't start annoying me until the girl closest to me took off her flip flops and started dancing on her seat, kicking my ass with her bare toes in the process.

Yuck.

"Bow Wow! I LOOOOOVVVVVEEEE YOU!" She screamed over and over again in my ear. She ended up hitting me in the forehead four times. Believe me, I counted. Four. And the whole time, she kept kicking me with those nasty feet of hers, not even bothering to say she was sorry.

I don't know why she ended up leaving before the show was over, but her friend stuck around for the whole thing; making sure to scoot right next to me. Even though she wasn't dancing in a skimpy tube top and no shoes, she smelled awful. Like someone had mixed a bowl of sweat with a carton of Haagen Daz. It was all hot and mushy, and kinda sour... I wanted to spray her with the little sample bottle of off-brand Glow I'd found at Meijer this morning. But even J-Lo wasn't going to be able to tackle that kind of smell. Everytime the Emcees tried to get the crowd to raise their arms and cheer, this girl was opening her sweaty armpits in an instant. She could've killed someone with those things.

To recap: Bow Wow himself was good, the throngs of thirteen year old girls weren't. I guess I would've put up with the same thing if I'd splurged a bit more and paid for the Stripped/Justified Tour... God knows there's enough teeny-boppers around here to fill the Schott...

Today's Soundtrack: "Puppy Love," The Artist Formerly Known as Li'l Bow Wow

Best Part of the Day: Getting kicked in the butt for a good hour and half by a barefoot stranger.

posted at 11:23 p.m.

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