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December 25, 2003
They Give No Fuck
"Are those egg rolls any good?" Danielle asked me, busy cracking open another pair of steamed crab legs.
"Which ones...? Vegetable, or pork?"
"Either."
"Pork is kinda 'ehhh,' but don't bother with the vegetable ones; they're way too sweet."
"That's okay... I really only came here for the crab legs, anyway," My sister shrugged as she pulled a thick piece of crab meat from within its shell. "Oohh, God, look at this one!"
I sunk a little deeper into the plastic bench, wishing that she wouldn't be quite so enthusiastic about each and every piece of seafood she managed to scavenge with her fork. From out of the corner of my eye, I could see a stout Chinese man giving us a slight glare from his own table, carefully calculating the number of shattered crab legs that lie strewn across our combined plates. I made slight circles with my own lo mein and looked away, hoping that he and his family would decide to pay their check and leave. You can never really feel at home at an All-You-Can-Eat bar, especially when (fresh?) steamed seafood is a precious commodity.
"You know, I think they save all the better crab legs for when people like us leave," Danielle admitted cautiously, looking over her shoulder for any spying waiters or hostesses. "You know, the really big ones?"
"Uh-huh," I murmured, hoping that our conversation wasn't being overheard by the Chinese Crab Leg Nazi. "Don't you think you've had enough of that stuff already?"
"You know how it is with seafood and Chinese," she smirked. "I'm going to be hungry in another twenty minutes... That's why we've got to take our time before getting out of here. You know, wait until they bring the good stuff out?"
"Oh, God..." The Nazi was carefully opening his own package of fortune cookies, his eyes darting over to our table ever so often in amazement. Between the two of us, Danielle and I had polished off at least five plates of (very skinny) crab legs, and we'd probably made more trips to the food bar than anyone else in the whole place. The whole scene was getting to be ridiculous.
"I'm going to get some dessert," Danielle declared, causing the Crab Nazi to look up in surprise. "Watch my purse, okay?"
"Yeah, sure... Whatever." I watched as the Nazi and his family rose from their elongated table and put on their coats, stopping by the makeshift Christmas tree in time to gaze back at the long line of people gathered about tubs of sweet and sour chicken and pork fried rice. Through the frosted glass and dim lights, I thought I could see him point and laugh at Danielle with some form of amusement, chuckling as he and his family made their way to the underpopulated parking lot.
posted at 5:40 p.m.
